Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The feeling are messing with the penis
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
