I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
