The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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