sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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