I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
