i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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