I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
