I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
