I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
