The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
