blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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