I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
