8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dick very happy bro
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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