Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
