so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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