She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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