he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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