Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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