apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
