I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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