And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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