i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
