dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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