Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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