I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
