it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
