You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
