You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
