I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
