Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
