he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
