I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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