How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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