Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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