This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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