Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
