you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
