We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
