That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
