I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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