You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize