i wish peter jackson would direct porn
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
