his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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