at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
