u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
