Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
