Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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