But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
