shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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