So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
