This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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