Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
