i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
