There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
