You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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