mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
