Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
