so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
