I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
