Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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