I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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