you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
