I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Alive.
So much puke
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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