you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
