Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and i looked up. we had an audience...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
