Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
