when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize