Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
