You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
