just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
