at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
