fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
