I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
