this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't think brook has ever known best
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
